it gets easier but not by much. I wouldn't have it any other way. Been 15 years and I don't want to ever forget. My Mom is showing your Mom around and they are trading stories of what brats we were :-)
Or you're in any timezone significantly ahead of the US (so like over 40% of the world's population). It's already 11.35pm here in India, and most moms (and reasonable adults) are already asleep. China/SE Asia/Jp etc are even further ahead.
Yes, it pre-dates the gift card (and gift) industry. I seem to recall being told it was to allow servants to go home to see their mothers. See how vaguely I framed that.
When my mom remarried, her new husband started to manipulate her and isolate her from other relatives, trying to turn everyone against each other. The last time I met her, I was basically talking to two copies of him.
I've already dealt with the fact that I will not get my mom back.
Also, Mother's Day is May 9th next year. If you do want to mail a card next year, I recommend making a calendar entry now to remind you to buy (or make) a card and mail it so it arrives in time, or at least least make a calendar entry to call her on the day of.
Apparently, according to wikipedia, we have a "mother's day" in the first sunday in may. I've seen nothing in the news about it and wasn't aware of its existence.
March 8 is international women’s day. The most ignored of all holidays by US culture. To an almost hilarious degree.
My partner frequently brags that she’s the only of her friends and coworkers, in 10+ years, who has ever gotten flowers for women’s day. Meanwhile even Uber drivers have wished her a happy women’s day in various heavy foreign accents.
Flowers for women's day is another ultimately weird tradition in many countries. Weird because the point of women's day is equality and not to be treated like our little special ladies. I always half jokingly said a more suitable gift would be a mini wrench or a screwdriver.
Like May 1st which is snubbed in favor of (non-organized?) Labor Day, and, well, the metric system which has somehow still not been adopted in the US...
I lost my father last year because of complications from severe Alzheimer's. When I saw this, I thought my mother is still with us, and I need to be grateful for that. I love you mum!
Quick reminder that not all mothers are good people that we must keep in touch with. For people recovering from a rough childhood, here are a couple of resources that may be useful to you:
1. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Gibson.
I grew up in a toxic household (my mom cheated when I was two, my stepfather was very abusive towards my mom, and my mom was always condescending and materialistic and kept using me to get money from my birth father, my birth father has depression and I just never felt any love from him), and I now barely keep in touch with both my parents, the first one hit home.
Thank you for the acknowledgement of this. Mother's Day can be intensely painful for people who had or have abusive or neglectful mothers. I think this should be acknowledged before the blanket advice of "call your mom" is given.
Literally it does, "culture" is an excuse to hide some shitty behavior sometimes, many aspects of many culture are pure trash and must change. (I live in Asia).
Child marriage is an example, very few will argue that it doesn't make them bad parents for selling their children, but it's completely alright in many cultures, nope, garbage culture.
And what you say about every parents in Asia is utter-nonsense btw and it's not the reality, you clearly don't understand a word of what you are writing.
I don't know you, but I'm happy that you get to be you. If you wouldn't be friends with your family members, then why would you spend time with them? As far as parents go, they chose to have me, I didn't choose them. Not all people are good, and just because you are related to them doesn't mean it's healthy to have them in your life. Enjoy your day!
I contemplating writing a reply suggesting maybe a text or email instead, but I don't know enough about OP's situation so I don't think it's appropriate to give any advice that they didn't ask for.
Maybe there is a time for difficult outreach, but recommending someone to celebrate a person (and one of the most significant people in their life) whose primary emotion is disgust in response to unchosen personal attributes is remarkably insensitive. No need to salt those wounds.
Let's hope things get better for anyone in this circumstance, but IMO it is the parent's job to make an attempt.
--
Nobody wants to or tries to be this kind of person, so here is my shout out today to the moms who DID find a way to work through the challenge of accepting a child whose sexuality, spirituality, politics, etc. are different than they hoped for.
I don't mean to be a douche, but that's an exceedingly ignorant and short-sighted statement. A child doesn't owe their parents anything. If your parent is upset about something about you that you cannot change, then that parent can rightfully go fuck themselves.
I disagree a bit somehow with the statement as it's a bit too generic, in my perspective, I do owe my parents care when they get older (I don't care about laws, talking about morality), I wouldn't send them in a home waiting for them to die, they'll live with me and my wife until they die, I understand that many might disagree with this, and it's fair if you had shit parents, but if you had parents that genuinely cared and done everything for you, I believe you want to also be fair for the sacrifice they've done and take care of them when they are too old to take care of themselves (or if 1 of them die, luckily I have both of my parents still!).
Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.
You might feel an obligation, but you don't "owe" them anything.
It's pedantic but there's a subtle difference. Doing something for someone because you're grateful for them is fine. I like my parents, I might take care of them when they get older, but I'm doing that because I like them.
> Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.
Ironically, I think this is too generic. What if your parents were physically or sexually abusive? This isn't hypothetical, there are millions of children that live that reality. Are they "bad kids" because they don't want to help them when they're older?
Yeah I've put a specific "clause" for shitty parents, shitty parents deserve no support in the end (imo).
My main argument is really that in the West, we are going too far away from the grateful mentality and it's scary and even absurd to see the number of parents that die alone (I'm talking about good parents), I find it sad and immoral in many scenarios.
I use the word owe because it's a moral code thing, the same way as I owe my wife & children lifetime promises and support (but not obligated right?), it's not something really negotiable in my head and I don't really intend to change it.
I vow the same thing for my own children and I hope I'll do genuinely a good job, enough for them to feel that they owe me the support when I'm old. Think about the gift you do to a loving mother to let her die surrounded with her own kids, nothing is more important in life than this in the end, as you get older, no career or money matters, probably only family does (again, talking only about good parents, shitty ones aren't included in this kind of discussion)
I think it's certainly fine to be grateful for your parents if you like them. I had pretty ok parents so if they need help as they get older I'll probably help where I can.
I guess I just get a little annoyed that people act like you are supposed to. I didn't choose to be born, and as far as I am aware neither did the other eight billion on this planet. The parents were the ones who brought the kids into the world. The kids are their responsibility, not the other way around.
Each person has their own situation so it isn't my place to give specific advice, but each and everyone should pause for a moment on this day, be thankful that they are alive, and consider to do the right thing that they wouldn't regret if they don't do it. Even if you wouldn't call your parents.
I think owing something should be contractual - they consent to owe something in a fair exchange.
A person does not consent to being born.
If someone treats you properly (raises you at least somewhat decently), you don't owe them anything, but you should feel an obligation to thank that person whether it's by saying thank you, or helping them later in their life when they need help.
She can hate the things you do and still love who you are. Shining your light where it's cold and dark is the only way to make the darkness go away. Hope this helps
My mom is fine, but my grandmother has said exceedingly racist things to my wife and homophobic things to my sister. I haven't talked to her in years and I suspect I will not for the rest of her life.
People act like I am a douche for this, but at this point I really see three options here. A) I roll my eyes and let her spew her stupid racist bullshit and move on, B) I push back, start an argument, and really upset my mother (whom I do like), or C) drop contact with her. C seems like the least-bad option.
Kids owe their parents nothing. Not a single person on this planet asked to be born. If a parent (or grandparent) does something bad, the onus is not on the child to make things "right".
People act like you have to love your family no matter what, but I think that's pretty naive. If literally anyone I didn't share DNA with said something racist about my wife then no one would give me shit for not talking to them, but suddenly because I'm related to them I just have to let this bullshit slide? Fuck that bullshit.
Please go do it on my behalf, while it’s possible.
If you need someone to talk to I’m here.
So, yeah. Call while you can.
Better luck next year... I guess?
It’s the 31st of May
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday
Now I think it's really significant and important to have an official day dedicated to recognize all the moms out there.
Happy mother's day to all the moms out there. And all the guys that made them moms :)
P. J. O'Rourke
I've already dealt with the fact that I will not get my mom back.
Maybe that doesn’t matter, but it’s nice to have on a weekend.
Maybe I’m missing what you mean?
(I personally think it's okay to be amused, even if it's thanks to dead people. I don't think any mother would really mind too much.)
[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day#Dates_around_th...
Mother’s Day is different from country to country (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day)
8 March was an entirely different animal...
My partner frequently brags that she’s the only of her friends and coworkers, in 10+ years, who has ever gotten flowers for women’s day. Meanwhile even Uber drivers have wished her a happy women’s day in various heavy foreign accents.
Here[0] is a list of many holidays that are ignored more than international women’s day.
Happy International Day of Plant Health to you!
0: https://www.un.org/en/observances/list-days-weeks
March 8th is for the partners, mother's day is for the wives :)
Just kidding but couldn't resist.
Quick reminder that not all mothers are good people that we must keep in touch with. For people recovering from a rough childhood, here are a couple of resources that may be useful to you:
1. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Gibson.
2. https://old.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren+CPTSD+raisedbynarciss...
Child marriage is an example, very few will argue that it doesn't make them bad parents for selling their children, but it's completely alright in many cultures, nope, garbage culture.
And what you say about every parents in Asia is utter-nonsense btw and it's not the reality, you clearly don't understand a word of what you are writing.
You clearly didn't read properly. It's the mom the one who doesn't care about her child. Calling her isn't going to change anything.
Calling might not change anything, but that doesn't mean that change couldn't happen another way.
Maybe there is a time for difficult outreach, but recommending someone to celebrate a person (and one of the most significant people in their life) whose primary emotion is disgust in response to unchosen personal attributes is remarkably insensitive. No need to salt those wounds.
Let's hope things get better for anyone in this circumstance, but IMO it is the parent's job to make an attempt.
--
Nobody wants to or tries to be this kind of person, so here is my shout out today to the moms who DID find a way to work through the challenge of accepting a child whose sexuality, spirituality, politics, etc. are different than they hoped for.
Kids don't owe their parents anything.
Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.
It's pedantic but there's a subtle difference. Doing something for someone because you're grateful for them is fine. I like my parents, I might take care of them when they get older, but I'm doing that because I like them.
> Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.
Ironically, I think this is too generic. What if your parents were physically or sexually abusive? This isn't hypothetical, there are millions of children that live that reality. Are they "bad kids" because they don't want to help them when they're older?
My main argument is really that in the West, we are going too far away from the grateful mentality and it's scary and even absurd to see the number of parents that die alone (I'm talking about good parents), I find it sad and immoral in many scenarios.
I use the word owe because it's a moral code thing, the same way as I owe my wife & children lifetime promises and support (but not obligated right?), it's not something really negotiable in my head and I don't really intend to change it.
I vow the same thing for my own children and I hope I'll do genuinely a good job, enough for them to feel that they owe me the support when I'm old. Think about the gift you do to a loving mother to let her die surrounded with her own kids, nothing is more important in life than this in the end, as you get older, no career or money matters, probably only family does (again, talking only about good parents, shitty ones aren't included in this kind of discussion)
I guess I just get a little annoyed that people act like you are supposed to. I didn't choose to be born, and as far as I am aware neither did the other eight billion on this planet. The parents were the ones who brought the kids into the world. The kids are their responsibility, not the other way around.
Each person has their own situation so it isn't my place to give specific advice, but each and everyone should pause for a moment on this day, be thankful that they are alive, and consider to do the right thing that they wouldn't regret if they don't do it. Even if you wouldn't call your parents.
I think owing something should be contractual - they consent to owe something in a fair exchange.
A person does not consent to being born.
If someone treats you properly (raises you at least somewhat decently), you don't owe them anything, but you should feel an obligation to thank that person whether it's by saying thank you, or helping them later in their life when they need help.
People act like I am a douche for this, but at this point I really see three options here. A) I roll my eyes and let her spew her stupid racist bullshit and move on, B) I push back, start an argument, and really upset my mother (whom I do like), or C) drop contact with her. C seems like the least-bad option.
Kids owe their parents nothing. Not a single person on this planet asked to be born. If a parent (or grandparent) does something bad, the onus is not on the child to make things "right".
People act like you have to love your family no matter what, but I think that's pretty naive. If literally anyone I didn't share DNA with said something racist about my wife then no one would give me shit for not talking to them, but suddenly because I'm related to them I just have to let this bullshit slide? Fuck that bullshit.
Gonna go help my mom again in massaging her legs, Okay shes asking me to help now, bye!
The days of a young Silicon Valley are long gone.
Edit:
I don't think OP's comment should be flagged. It is an understandable opinion held by many - even if I disagree with it.
Flagging it hides it and the rebuttals from others who might share the same opinion, in which case they don't see the rebuttals.